Yourboyblue's Blog

Talking about video games is all well and good, but let’s face it: Video Games are nothing more than a method of preparing for the unavoidable zombie apocalypse. You can avoid it all you want, but it’s coming. In fact, if Red Vs Blue has taught us anything, it’s that there’s two kinds of people in the world: People with a zombie contingency plan and people without a zombie contingency plan. “We call the second type: Dinner”.

Now, with the slew of weapons to choose from out there, what will your weapon of choice be in the event of a zombie apocalypse (assuming you don’t make it to Alaska in time)?

I have listed my top ten weapons (along with their pros and cons) below. Enjoy and remember: Be prepared, or be dinner!

10) Chainsaw:
Pros: Effective “use your head – cut off theirs” – max brooks
Cons: Loud, heavy, squirting zombie blood may impair your vision

Chainsaw AND a hot chick. No wonder he survived!

9) Mp5 silenced sub machine gun:
Pros: Compact, easy to carry, shhhhh
Cons: Not much oomph for bigger zombies (like the fat kid in school that you used to pick on…. Yea, he’s hungry alright….for your brains!

Blip blip blip...you dead....again...

Claymore Mines:
Pros: Great coverage, will secure any location with minimal effort (assuming they face the right way)
Cons: The idiot I mentioned under Hand Grenades just stepped into one. And the noise is bound to attract more zombies. Also, when that first line of defence is breached, you better hope you have a lot more guns, and an exit strategy!

Good advice...

7) Cross-Bow (Thanks to Saher for this one):
Pros: Silent, deadly accurate, has optional scope. Attach explosive bolts for a jolly good romp!
Cons: Slow reload time, bolts are hard to find, explosive bolts are noisy

Add bombs for extra fun!!

6) Flamethrower:
Pros: Wide area coverage, point and shoot mechanism. With the lack of SUVs during the zombie apocalypse, gas will be quite readily available and free.
Cons: hmm…the smell of burning human flesh in a giant people barbeque….nope, nothing there that would attract zombies.

Zombie barbeque ftw!

5) Hand Grenades:
Pros: Safe to carry around, easy to transport, capable of taking out multiple enemies at a time
Cons: “hey, do you know what I’m supposed to do with this pin I’m holdi..”BANG! Don’t let the idiot of your survival group handle these.

Pay tribute to your favorite video game characters...while killing zombies!

 

4) Hot Chicks:
Pros: They die easily and are always the main target of zombies. Just throw one into a pile of zombies and watch as they get distracted long enough for you to make your escape
Cons: There’s few hot chicks as there is. And when the apocalypse is over and it’s time to repopulate the Earth, you’ll be really upset when all you have left to procreate with is a sheep that was too dirty for even the zombies to eat. Unless you’re Scottish, then no worries. =P

Soo pretty...especially her braaaaaiiinnssss

3) Shotgun:
Pros: Wide range, scatter effect, headshots are sweet
Cons: Loud, slow reload time

One of my favorite weapons of all time.

2) Samurai sword:
Pros: Infinite ammo, super cool in every way, ninjas are quiet for a reason
Cons: You gotta get really close

The new samurai sword umbrella! Protects you from rain ANd zombies!

1) AK47 with silencer:
Pros: Never jams. EVER! Ammo readily available (it’s the most popular gun in the world). Waterproof, dirt proof, rust proof, zombie proof. Great range, distance AND comes with a silencer.
Cons: None. Ever. Not one!

So...perfect...flawless..

 So that about sums it up, learn these well and feel free to share your thoughts on the matter (remember though, don’t share your zombie contingency plan with anyone (you never know who’s gonna become a zombie and betray you). If all else fails though, remember: your trusty 9mm should be your side arm at all times, with one bullet in your pocket in the event you need to….well….just be carefull.

YourBoyBlue – Out